London is Tired

Coming back to London made me realise London is not my home. I am not sure where it is but I’m not settled. I can feel it, I can’t deny it. Of course I love London and you know what they say, 'when you’re tired of London, you are tired of life’. Well, I think London is tired.

Sitting on the tube I lose count of the amount of people I see trying to keep their heads up as they fall into a deep sleep. London, we are tired. What can we do about this? Something is not right. We live in one of ‘best’ cities in the world but those who live here are tired. We need to sleep, we need to rest, we need a break. 

It’s not easy looking at a fellow Londoner who is red-eyed, frowned and tired. We need a life. This is not life. 

We are a fast paced city - time is everything for most of us, I know. But let’s not make time control our lives, better yet take our lives. We need to speak to time and say ‘hold on let me catch my breath, I need a break’. 

So what’s the solution? Well, let’s start by recognising that we are tired and that our bodies need rest. Trust me I have learnt the hard way and it’s not fun. To be honest I’d rather not spend my twenties in a city that demands my body to run like a machine when it’s not. It needs to breathe and work the way it was made to work. 

Of course one of the reasons why we work is to make a living and create the lifestyle we wish to - but at what expense? Our bodies or our minds? 

Taking a coffee break is not a break when you are feeding your body cheap caffeine. You need to sleep, read a nice book, take a walk, speak and spend time with your friends and family - just chill out. 

You may say you need to work hard because you need to make that money - yes we all do but again at what expense? Will you be around in 15 years to enjoy it or will you be hospital suffering from an illness due to overworking your body? 

There will be days when we need to push ourselves - I can’t deny those days are ahead of me or rather all of us, but I know that’s not every day of the year. 

We can make great lives for ourselves by taking breaks - trust me. 

You know how far you can push yourself. I have learnt how far I can push my body and I’m not willing to push it until it breaks again. 

London, let’s rest. 

What is freedom?

I have been thinking what the word freedom means lately and I can't quite put my finger on it. Freedom is such a large topic/idea it’s almost not real and maybe doesn't exist. It’s a feeling or motion that people believe in as they move in time. It’s something that is made true by the people in society who listen to and believe the authorities (and I don't just mean the Government) who in many ways tell us what is freedom. 

A lot of people say they are free - but are they truly free? Now I’m not talking about societal strains that make us like robots or whatever they want us to be and think. I’m talking about ourselves - do we stop ourselves from being free? I think we do, and probably unconsciously. Right now I couldn't tell you what I think freedom is because in different contexts it has many different meanings.  But I’ll give it a go. Right now freedom is to be free of constraints (physically and mentally) and fears. It is the ability to do as one wishes without doubt. When one is free there are no regrets. Maybe this has something to do with what I’ve been reading - however it’s something bothering me and I really want to explore this concept because I think we can be free - well more than we are now. I want to understand why we hold ourselves from freedom and doubt so much. I want to understand if the fear of regret stops us from being free. Actually, what is the difference between being free and feeling free? I guess feeling free is something bubbling inside us and does not determine whether actions are always followed through, perhaps we have to truly believe we are free or be free to exercise freedom. I don’t know about you but I think it’s a waste of time to feel something and not act upon it. What are we so afraid of? 

To be open, I am an example of someone who hasn't acted upon my feelings of freedom and I don’t know why. There was a longing for it, but in the past I have stopped my self because of what I thought I was 'supposed to do and not do'. Do I have regrets - well no because I am growing to not walk in the steps of what others believe I should do, but I’m learning where I should go. I’m not sure yet, but I feel free. 

To hold on to something that hurts us prevents us from being free. If someone offends you or makes you feel horrible and unworthy or whatever, and you resent them or expect an apology - you are preventing yourself from being free. Just let it go. Let those feelings of resentment go - that is what it is to be free, or part of. It is better to be free than right or stubborn. I am one of those people who wastes no time in caring if someone has offended me. One because I went to a school where everyone was made fun of - no seriously everyone I know from my secondary school has thick skin. Second, what’s the point of using my face muscles to be upset and literally waste my time thinking about how much that person has annoyed me. Sorry, I have no time for that - understand the world is carrying on with or without you. 

What else? Well, freedom is used in so many cliché sayings and people say them or read them to make themselves feel better. Reading freedom statements does not mean you instantly become free. It is being aware of how you react in tough situations - that help you to change. For example, if someone offends or hurts you - how do you react in that situation? Do you tell them you are not happy with whatever they did and then move on. Or do you ponder on what that person has done to you for a whole week and wish you said something else but didn't think of it at the time? Choose the former - please. 

I want to believe I'm free and act upon this. We would all be so much happier I think. Just looking at people on the tube in the morning with frowning faces just illustrates a lot of us are not free. Besides the fact they are on a stuffy tube, maybe they are going to jobs which they have not freely chosen to do but because of someone’s influence in their lives. I can’t live a life like that. What is the point of running around if it’s not your choice to do so. Let’s not even talk about choice because that's for another day. 

Let's not have doubts and regrets, but be free in our own way. 

xxx

Goodbye and Hello

I’ve tried to shut the thought out for so long but I need to face it, my big sister is officially leaving me. She is about to spread her wings and soar like an eagle. It’s crazy that I've actually stopped myself from thinking about it - I even forgot at one point because I need my big sister. Not only is she going to learn a lot - I will too. I’ve realised I depend quite a bit on my sister being around even though I may not show it and we bicker - but we have the best sister relationship. We understand each other in an odd way - it’s so hard to explain but it’s great.

I am so proud of her and I’m so happy she is about to embark on a new part of her adventure. I’m excited to hear the stories and see her smile. She deserves everything because she works so hard and I don’t think she knows how amazing she is and how others and I adore her. She is one in a million. I couldn't say this to her face because …  conversations like this rarely happen and, to be honest, I would cry. She is amazing and I couldn't ask for a better sister. 

I can’t believe she is leaving me. I’ll miss our train journeys, I’ll miss our catch ups at night time, her love, her hair products, her perfume, eye conversations, secret jokes, and I’ll miss her face to face advice. 

I really hope I haven’t taken my sister for granted. It’s crazy how we only remember what another person has done for us when they are about to leave or when it’s their birthday. It’s really selfish and I’m sorry Glyn, I’m sorry if I've ever taken you for granted. 

Anyway because I don’t want to get too emotional - I just want to say goodbye and hello to our new sister relationship. It will be different I know but please let us remain as close as ever. 

I love you to the other galaxies and back Glyn. 

p.s. Thank you for the room 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Happy New Year!

Happy new year to you all and of course, I am going to discuss new years resolutions/goals for the year ahead. Although it is a very cliché thing to do - I must admit I consciously make a decision to set some new goals for the year. Do we do this to feel a sense of accomplishment and confirm that we can make some changes to maybe our not so fun great lives? Personally, I normally set goals on my birthday - I think it makes a little more sense. However, I don't  think we should have to wait until our birthdays or new years to make changes. If we really want to make the changes in our lives we would just make the decision to do it straight away. Why should you have to wait until your birthday or new years to be the new you? You have control over the decisions you make for your life so why wait until the Instagram posts indicate a time for you to do so? 

Do we set goals for other people? Or do we truly set them for ourselves? Do we set these goals to get recognition from other people to show that we are moving on with our lives and aren't bums or what do you call it, ‘basic’?

When we set ourselves challenges let’s do it for us and not for the people around us to clap their hands and pat us on the back. If we know change needs to happen - make it happen. 

If you have set any goals or resolutions for this year I hope you achieve them, and if you get to a point where you think you won’t be able to achieve what you set - don't worry keep trying you’ll do it, even if takes you a while. 

Happy New Year :D

A tiny bit about identity

I recently went to my friend’s show which was based around identity and this made me think what is identity and what does it mean to me. What is my identity and who do I identify myself with and should I? 

I assume - and I know it is very bad to assume, but people judge one another based on what they think that person’s identity is. This is the problem - you can never truly know someone's identity because one’s identity changes every day. We go through different experiences every minute which changes our identity and we come into contact with things or objects which we may identify ourselves with, thus changing how we see ourselves and how we act in the world. I think identity is made up of labels which society has created for us to choose from and use. What if we don't want to identify with any of the labels - does this make us crazy or lost? Not really, maybe we just don't identify with any of the given labels. That is okay. 

One small example. When people say where do you come from (because people make judgements on one's identity through this question - I have no idea why) - what do you say? Well, I say I’m British because I was born in the UK - however am I also Sierra Leonean because my parents are from there and my home life fits more with the Sierra Leonean culture. But of course this is watered down because I'm not in Sierra Leone, I'm in England. So maybe most first generation kids are just in limbo - who do we identify ourselves with or to? Inside our house we may be Indian, Lithuanian, African or whatever, but as soon as we step outside and interact with other people in educational institutions or other places with authority- are we just British? Are we something else? This is what I am a little confused about. I guess us first generation kids are a mixture of both. What if you came to England when you were three - does that mean you are 100% not British even though you were brought up in the same environment as a child who was born in England and you even have the same accent. I think it’s up to the individual to decide this and it’s not for the other to pin-point and say what they think they are - in every case of what the identity is and not just where someone comes from.

I could of course go on about other parts which make up the identity, but I will not because this is a blog post and not an essay :). 

Be you and not what we are told we have to be. 

xxx

Louis Vuitton - Series 3 EXHIBITION

If you haven’t been already, get your self to the Louis Vuitton Series 3 Exhibition at 180 Strand, London!

Now most people like LV - I know you do. There most be one thing that everyone likes from LV!

I didn't really know what to expect - but I knew it was going to be great and I knew I would leave wanting a Louis bag! Both correct. 

The first favourite room of mine was with two ladies who where hand making the Coffret Trésor 20 - super cute! These are great for special jewellery pieces. 

The next favourite room was the walk in wardrobe! the carpet was incredible - this needs to be said. My feet where sinking. Apart form the carpet - the clothes selection was amazing. That white fur jacket is everything!

The final favourite room of mine was the white room. You definitely needed sunglasses to stay in there. So bright! Very innovative of LV! Loved every piece of accessory as accessorising is my thing!  

Great exhibition Nicolas Ghesquière!! I love my free poster and stickers! 

#LVSERIES3

X 

How to balance …everything

‘Dear dairy'…? 

How will I balance my studies, professional work and social life? I have no idea - but I know I will do all three - I have no choice but to. Okay maybe my social life will be rocky at times and that’s okay - but sanity is so important. 

I’m not really sure why I am writing this but I think it would be nice to see the progression of how I handle all three over the next two years. Interesting right? Maybe for some - maybe not - I am going to write about it anyway. 

If I can’t express myself in writing I’ll post pictures - hopefully that should tell my story. 

I’m super excited to start my MA at Central Saint Martins! What an amazing university to attend. I still can't believe it - I am so grateful. In some ways I feel that I am not that cool to attend and the more I have thought about it - the more sweaty I get - ew sorry, anxious. But then I thought - you know what I got in because of who I am, so I’m going to be me, dress like me, talk like me, and walk like me. We will see what happens.

With this being said, I am sweating balls for the first day - mainly because I have to do a presentation about myself. How do you do a presentation about yourself without sounding narcissistic or like a show off? You can’t say - well you know my aspirations for the future are okay, bland, not that great. And what do I even wear? If I don't make any friends on the first day after my presentation, I know I either didn't dress well, sound well - or I’m just a bland person. 

This is all getting very negative - sorry. 

It will be just fine and I am going to have the most productive, fun, worthwhile time over the next two years. I pray I do all three amazingly. 

Let’s do this and welcome to my adventure. 

X